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Many people go through life never finding the things that make them feel alive, or the internal passions that drive them to want to learn and create. I have been fortunate enough to discover this passion; music. However, music and its relationship to me virtually came to a halt around 1997. Life became much more complicated as I was married, had a child, a career, and a home. I just didn't have time for the guitar, and forgot about how much I enjoyed playing and creating. Since 1997, there have been extended periods of time in which I didn't play at all. In fact, I think there may have been years (probably the years 1999 and 2001) in which I didn't open a guitar case (or even try to play any other type of instrument). We all need to "grow up", but we need to be careful when we define what this means, as many of us completely forget about our passions for more responsible endeavors. For me, I think that this lead to a shallow, almost robotic existence. Don't get me wrong. I value my children, wife, career, friends, family, home, etc., but these were things that were, to a certain degree, external to me. To be complete, I need more of an intrinsic sense of satisfaction and self actualization. Over the years there were a couple of false starts to rekindle this passion. For example, back in 2003, I started to play seriously. However, this didn't last, as I soon put it back down after only a couple of weeks. You see, I was always an "all or nothing" type of person that found it difficult to do something part of the way. I always immersed myself in things, and lost focus of everything else in my life. I know that this may sound a bit ridiculous, but for many years (when I wasn't playing) I was haunted by reoccurring dreams that I would somehow solve some sort of problem at work by playing a guitar solo, only to wake up and realize that this had very little connection to life as I knew it. I would try and fill this creative void in other ways. For example, I built rock walls. A lot of them. In fact, I have built several hundred feet of rock walls between the years of 2001 and 2005 ( I live in a very mountainous area of NJ and we have an unbelievable amount of rocks). Building a rock wall produces something tangible, something you could step back, look at and say "wow, I did this." The other cool thing about building rock walls, is that it is like a gigantic puzzle with an infinite number of solutions. This is especially true for me since the rocks on my property are glacial, not sedimentary, which means that they aren't flat, and that you have to be pretty creative to get them to fit nicely. I guess this is getting way off topic :)
Back to the story... Things changed
for me in 2006. I am not quite sure how or why, but one day I decided to pick up
my guitar. After I was done playing, I didn't put it back in the case. I just
put it on a stand. The next day I picked it up again.... and the day after
that.. Eventually, I started to get my chops back, and started to feel the
connection again. However, attaining and accepting balance was probably the most difficult thing for me
and something with which I continue to struggle.
Music is part of my life, but so are many other things that are important to me,
that I cannot be
complete with music alone (nor could I support my family, or be there for them).As you progress through this site, you will see my perspectives and philosophies coming through. Hopefully, you will appreciate some of my sarcasm and humor. Some of it is hidden and I am not telling you where it is :) The bottom line is that I refuse to take myself too seriously. Some of you may agree with my perspectives, some of you may not agree. That's perfectly fine with me. In fact, I want to learn from you as hopefully you can learn some things from me. Agree, disagree, learn, teach... it is all good. Just glad to have you here... fill out the guest book... join the forum... send me an email... I implore you to drop me a line and tell me how you feel and think. |
